Archive for January 18th, 2008
« Previous EntriesFirst Indian-American Governor Elected
Friday, January 18th, 2008The Onion
With his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do…
Women Are Way Out Of My League
Friday, January 18th, 2008The Onion
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. With my dopey face and chicken legs, my love life could be summed up in one word: hopeless. The harder I…
Area Man Sorry He’s Late, Got Here As Fast As He Could
Friday, January 18th, 2008The Onion
CHICAGO—Thirty-four-year-old associate sales representative Ben Anderson, who got here as fast as he possibly could, is really, really…
Carl’s Jr. Founder Dead
Friday, January 18th, 2008The Onion
Carl Karcher, the founder of Carl’s Jr. and owner of Hardee’s, died just days shy of his 91st Birthday. What do you think?
New Roommates Attempt To Find Manly Way Of Saying Good Night
Friday, January 18th, 2008The Onion
MINNEAPOLIS—One month after moving into their shared apartment, roommates Nick Horowitz, 23, and Dan Crenshaw, 24, are still trying to…
Very Specific Food Pyramid Recommends Two To Three Shrimp Scampis Per Year
Friday, January 18th, 2008The Onion
WASHINGTON—The U.S. Department of Agriculture unveiled an updated, extremely detailed food pyramid Monday, which may redefine the way…